After the epic 31st season of Survivor, the cast of Survivor: Kaoh Rong has the tremendously difficult task of living up to its predecessor. So what better way to make sure it is a successful season than to bring back an old twist?  After all, it worked so well with Blood Vs. Water 2. Yes, that is an attempt at sarcasm.

The promos are promising this to be the most brutal season of all time, with multiple injuries, evacuations, and mid-challenge “Probst pauses” to check on boo boos attained by the castaways. And what better time than right after the football season has ended. Survivor: Kaoh Rong will be just what you need to fill the missing gap in your life of watching people get injured. Only now, instead of screaming at your TV “JUST ROLL HIM OFF THE FIELD AND CARRY ON WITH THE GAME.” You can scream “JUST ROLL THEM OFF TO THE SIDE AND FINISH THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE.”

After countless hours of watching the cast’s video introductions on cbs.com (which I had to suffer through watching the same Valentine’s commercial about being in love with your best friend 18 times in row) I feel as though I am prepared to make my bold predictions as to who will win the thirty-second installment of televisions longest running competitive reality show. Can I publicly predict the winner 2 years in a row? You’re damn right I can.

Introducing the Survivor: Kaoh Rong castaways (ranked in order of the likelihood of them winning season 32) AS ALWAYS: ALL COUNTDOWNS ARE SPOILER FREE AND BASED SOLELY ON THE OPINION OF THE AUTHOR. Should you have your hands on any spoilers, please take them elsewhere.

18. Nick (Beauty Tribe)

I certainly hope that this is just a case of somebody playing it up for the camera during interviews, because based on his intro video, this guy seems to be one of the least likable people that has ever played the game.

First off, he is a “life coach” and during his interview he basically says that his job is a bunch of B.S. and that the things he “coaches” his clients through is just common sense. He then goes on to share that he is really good at pretending to care what other people are saying because he has to pretend that he cares what his clients are telling him. I am sure that his clients love hearing that he could not care any less about them and thinks they lack any and all common sense.

There is no chance. Literally not a shot in hell, that this guy wins this game. He may stick around for a while based on the fact that he is one of only 2 strong alpha males on his tribe, but he could have the strength of the Incredible Hulk and his tribe would still vote him off eventually for being so arrogant and pompous.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTION- He is voted out before the merge, and will be blindsided by the ladies of the tribe. The same ones that he thinks he has wrapped around his finger.

17. Alecia (Brawn Tribe)

The fact that Alecia is 24 and has seemingly completed her bucket list already, is quite impressive. She seems like she is determined to prove her strength and does not back down from confrontation. This may not bode to well for Alecia on the Brawn tribe. The other 2 females on her tribe are much bigger and tougher than she is. Her “I’m a tough girl because I do adventurous activities, and am an adrenaline junkie” persona may work in the real world, but I don’t expect it to hold up enough to be a valuable asset to the Brawn tribe.

If she can survive long enough to merge with the other tribes, I can see her aligning with some of the Brains or Beauty girls, but if the Brawn tribe loses even one immunity challenge before any swaps or merges, Alecia is toast.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTION – Pre Merge. First off the Brawn tribe. If they do not lose, she will survive a few more weeks, but will be out early merge for being seen as a flipper for trying to go against her former Brawn tribe that she couldn’t stand.

16. Caleb (Beauty Tribe)

Big Brother’s Beast Mode Cowboy is back to try his hand at another reality show. If you watched Caleb on Big Brother you know that he is a nice guy. He is also funny, loyal, handsome, and genuine (And if you didn’t know that, I am sure he will tell you a few times during episode 1.) But you also may know that he does not have all that much going on upstairs (and if you didn’t know that, I am sure you will see proof of that many times during episode 1.)

I expect Caleb to play Survivor the same way he played Big Brother. He will be loyal to a fault to his alliance, but he will not make bold enough moves to win the game. The first time that his alliance is not in the majority, Caleb will likely be voted off. He will be a challenge threat, he will be a threat to win in the finals due to how likable he is, and he will be seen as a threat simply for playing Big Brother before.

If, by some miracle he is in the final 3, the jury will love him, and that is always a huge plus. But likability aside, will he be able to articulate to a jury why he should win the game? Very, very unlikely.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTION: Caleb will be out around the merge. And at the reunion, Probst will make it a point to force Caleb to explain how much harder it is to play Survivor than Big Brother. 

15. Julia (Beauty Tribe)

Julia is 18 years old. EIGHTEEN. As she explained in her interview, less than one year ago she was sitting in a classroom raising her hand to ask her teachers if she could use the bathroom.

While Julia is certainly well-traveled and has a significant amount of life experiences for someone of her age, she is going to be way out of her league for the harsh elements that are supposedly in store for her in Cambodia. She could be in danger of going home pre merge, should her tribe lose a few times, but I expect her to make it mid jury, and be the last of her alliance to be voted out, as she will not be seen as much of a threat.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTIONS: Mid jury, I’ll go with 7th place. Should she make it to the end of the game, it will be because someone carried her there. She will not be the mastermind behind any big game moves, and therefore, I have a very hard time seeing a scenario in which a jury would reward a quasi-deserving 18 year old with a million dollars.

14. Debbie (Brains Tribe)

Despite being the oldest woman in the game, Debbie will not be a challenge liability. She seems to be extraordinarily educated, and in great physical shape. The issue Debbie will have is her social game. Will she be able to fit in with the younger crowd?Debbie seems to be a bit of an oddball. (Her biggest pet peeve is the idolization of garish). Umm, what the….

She reminds me of Denise, winner of Survivor: Philippines, except for the fact that Denise was a bit more down to Earth, and blended in a bit more than Debbie will. If she can manage to form some bonds with some of the younger guys, like Denise, she could cruise to the end of the game, and have a very good shot at winning it all. If, however, she does not focus on her relationships, she could find herself being voted out in no time.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTION: Debbie is a complete wild card that will determine her own fate simply by her relationships with the tribe. If she fails to form bonds, which is what I am leaning towards at the moment, she will be out immediately, maybe even first.

13. Elisabeth (Brains Tribe)

Elisabeth is going into the game with the expectation of being a villain. While that may mean that she will not be scared to make some big moves, I don’t see it working out too well for her. She will try to make too many big moves, and will get caught. She may be too intelligent for her own good (she got a perfect score on her SAT’s) as she may think that her intelligence in real life will help her fool her co

mpetitors in the game.
Her intelligence may help her figure out some puzzles quickly, but will have nothing to do with helping people want to align with someone that they don’t perceive as loyal. She will flirt with all of the boys, but the only thing that will do is make the girls distrust her more, and work harder to get her voted off.

FINAL PLACEMENT PREDICTION: Pre merge – early merge. Maybe even the first one booted from the merged tribe.

Part 2 (#12-7) Click Here.

Head over to cbs.com to see the castaways for yourself and make your own predictions. Agree with the predictions? Disagree? Comment below and let us hear what you have to say.