After 23 seasons of ABC’s hit reality show Dancing With the Stars, fans will likely be able to get a good idea about what the cast will look like, even before it’s revealed tomorrow on Good Morning, America.
If past seasons are any indication, there will be a washed up reality star, an Olympian, The Bachelor, a Disney Channel actor, an NFL player, a C-list celebrity that has recently been involved in a controversy, etc.
So, if the producers decided to stray away from their typical cast, and if all the celebrities that got an invite decided to participate, what would the ideal cast look like? The following is a ranking of the 17 celebrities that Dancing With the Stars desperately needs to scout out, to shake up their boring, mundane casting.
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12. Alanis Morissette, Singer
You oughta know that I’m here, to remind you, of the mess Alanis has left since she went away. It’s not fair.
It’s been nearly 22 years since Canadian rocker Alanis Morissette released her international debut album, Jagged Little Pill, which has since become one of the best selling albums of all time, and one of only three albums that have sold more than 15 million copies since 1991, the year in which Nielsen Music began tracking data.
Dancing With the Stars may be just want Morissette needs to catapult her back into the spotlight and write and produce another album that rivals Pill, arguably the greatest female rock album of all time.
REALISTIC CHANCE OF ALANIS AGREEING TO DWTS: 65%
11. Eric Nies, Reality TV Star/Former Model
If producers insist on casting a reality star, who better to cast than the grandaddy of Reality TV, the original Real World’s, Eric Nies. Not only was Nies the star of the reality show that launched an entire genre, but he also was the host of the critically acclaimed MTV dance music show, The Grind.
Having somehow never won an Emmy for his work on The Grind, competing on Dancing With the Stars could be the only way for the world to validate and thank Nies for everything he has done for reality TV and semi-erotic hip hop dance aerobics.
REALISTIC CHANCE OF ERIC AGREEING TO DWTS: 99%
10. Mama June, Reality TV Star
Granted, I know virtually nothing about Mama June from the “hit” TLC show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, except for the fact that she has recently become the talk of the town after allegedly losing a tremendous amount of weight, the likes of which many are calling the most amazing transformation in television history.
What better way for Mama June to show off her new body (I can’t believe I just typed that) than to strut her stuff on the dance floor?
REALISTIC CHANCE OF MAMA JUNE AGREEING TO DWTS: 99%
9. Malia Obama, Daughter of Barack Obama
Rumor has it that Michelle Obama has been offered one of the coveted spots on Dancing With the Stars, and graciously refused the offer. Shocker.
Why not then, invite the former first daughter, Malia? Sure, she is in college, and just got an internship, but all those wonderful things would still be there for her after she twerks her way to the coveted Mirror Ball trophy, should she decide to compete on the show.
Granted, Malia has just recently been able to step out of the spotlight and twerk with a little more privacy for the first time in her young adult life. So it is very doubtful that she would choose to be thrown back into the media’s ray of vision so soon after she has been granted some, relatively speaking, freedom.
REALISTIC CHANCE OF MAMA JUNE AGREEING TO DWTS: 10%
8. Owen Suskind, Writer/Autism Awareness Advocate
It seems as though each season Dancing With the Stars casts a relatively unknown, yet heroic figure that, more often than not, has some sort of a disability.
So why not give Owen Suskind, the star of the Oscar nominated documentary, Life, Animated his time to shine.
After being diagnosed with severe autism at the age of three, Owen overcame the odds by using Disney animated classics to communicate with his family. Owen has since went on to become a highly functioning adult that has his own place, maintains a job, and is able to communicate and express his emotions freely.
Life, Animated is a must-watch documentary for all ages. And ABC and Dancing With the Stars should consider themselves honored to have such an inspirational, courageous young man join their cast.
REALISTIC CHANCE OF OWEN AGREEING TO DWTS: 50%