Noah’s Top 5 Accomplishments (Genesis 5-9)

Noah is by far one of the most popular figures in the Bible, and deservingly so. Without Noah, the Great Flood would have killed every living thing, and God would have had to make another Adam and Eve from scratch, and at that point God was so mad at people that he may have just scratched the whole idea of humans altogether. He also would have to make all of the animals again, and that seems like an awful lot of work. Noah’s loyalty to God is quite admirable, especially since God asked Noah to do so much work. But, Noah’s accomplishments go far beyond the story of the Ark. The following are the 5 greatest accomplishments that Noah achieved during Genesis 5-9 (ranked in order of least impressive to most impressive.)

5. Noah Dies at the age of 950

(photo made by R. Jacobson)

(photo made by R. Jacobson)

WAY back in the day, people use to live to be like 900 years old. I don’t know why, but it wasn’t like some freak thing, like everyone did. Also, from what I gather, people didn’t typically have kids until they were like in their 300’s. I am pretty sure I was born in the wrong era, because I totally would have a kid when I am 350 years old. Why the hell not?

Anyway, Noah was no exception. He was around 500 when he had his 3 sons, around 600 when the floods came, and around 950 when he died. But what makes Noah so special is that he is known as the last guy that lived to be nearly a thousand years old. After Noah died, the life spans drops significantly, and people only live to be around 120 years old. This is mainly because God got real pissed that men started lusting over women and the general behavior of human being, what with all the fighting and all. So he decided to put a cap on how long they were going to live. I guess everyone was real bad back in Noah’s time, and God was so mad at everyone that he decided to clean them all out and start again with nice guy Noah and his family.

4. Noah Found A Lot of Animals.

(photo credit: blogs.timesofisrael.com)

(photo credit: blogs.timesofisrael.com)

 

Not only did Noah find a male and female of every animal, but he had the skills needed to lead them onto an ark. That is crazy. I lost a cat one time, and I couldn’t find it in my own backyard. This guy finds a male and female of every animal and successfully convinces them to line up in an orderly fashion (this is what I am imagining anyway. There is no proof of it being orderly in the Bible) and keep them all from killing each other while they are on the Great Flood cruise for over a year. Impressive indeed, Noah.

3. Noah Lived on the Ark for Over a Year.

Noah, chilling on his balcony and sending out a dove to see if there is dry land yet. (photo credit: onedayworkweek.wordpress.com)

Noah, chilling on his balcony and sending out a dove to see if there is dry land yet. (photo credit: onedayworkweek.wordpress.com)

 

If you have ever been on a cruise, you may know that spending over a week on the water is just long enough, any longer and you would not only become homesick for dry land, but you would also probably throw your loved ones overboard seeing as you are physically unable to get away from them for more than a few minutes time. In addition to this, your resources are limited, and it is only a matter of time before you run out of supplies. It rained for 4o days and 40 nights, and then it took a long time for Noah and his posse to be able to return to dry land. God made sure that Noah took enough food for himself, his family, and all the animals for their entire time on the ark. And here I am, too lazy to cook dinner.
Not only was Noah floating around with thousands of animals, but he was forced to take his wife, 3 boys, and 3 daughters-in-law with him. Imagine being on an ark with only your family for over a year, and tell me that Noah doesn’t deserve all the recognition that he has attained over the years, simply for not jumping overboard.

2. Noah Builds the Ark

I stumbled upon what I believe is an actual picture of Noah building his ark. Noah is believed to be in the center wearing a white button down and Levi Jeans. (photo credit: www.worldwideweirdnews.com)

I stumbled upon what I believe is an actual picture of Noah building his ark. Noah is believed to be in the center wearing a white button down and Levi Jeans. OMG is that God at the bottom left? (photo credit: www.worldwideweirdnews.com)

 

It is said to have taken Noah around 15o years to build the ark. God gave Noah very specific instructions as to how to build the ark, and Noah paid very careful attention to detail. If Noah decided to cut some corners, the ark would not have been able to survive the torrential storm, and all the animals and his entire family would have drowned with the rest of humanity. It takes a very special person to be able to spend 150 years building something that will be responsible for saving humanity. One time it took me like 4 hours to build a dresser that I bought at Ikea, and although I thought about giving up many times, I was beaming with pride when my work was complete. Luckily Noah had the patience and wearwithal to perform such an important task.

1. Noah Plants a Vineyard, Makes Wine and is Potentially the First Person to Ever Get Drunk

Noah waking up from his drunken wine induced sleep. Been there buddy. And look at his sons judging him. Leave the guy alone. He is like 800 and saved the world. He can get his drink on if he wants to. (photo credit: ourfamilybiblestudy.wordpress.com)

Noah waking up from his drunken wine induced sleep. Been there buddy. And look at his sons judging him. Leave the guy alone. He is like 800 and saved the world. He can get his drink on if he wants to. (photo credit: ourfamilybiblestudy.wordpress.com)

 

After Noah successfully saved the world and the human race, he could have relaxed and lived out the remainder of his 350 years chilling in his tent and watching his sons create what will become the population of all the nations of the world.

But, Noah was an overachiever, and didn’t stop at simply repopulating the universe. He decided to plant, what is known as the first documented vineyard in history. Years after the flood, Noah took to working on a farm. It was during this time that he planted the first vineyard and produced what we now know as wine. (If you read my last Bible related countdown, I know what you’re thinking… and the answer is yes….. Noah is now by far my favorite biblical figure of all time.)

So, one night, Noah drinks way too much wine and passes out in his tent….. NAKED. (If I wasn’t so frightened of so many animals, I would begin to think that I may be Noah reincarnated, but alas, I am terrified of birds, spiders, snakes, reptiles, fish, and many dogs, so I am definitely not Noah. Although I do take after his love of the fermented grape, and the side effects that come with drinking too much of it.)

Now here is the part of Noah’s story that gets a little bizarre. The night that Noah passed out drunk on wine and naked in his tent, one of his sons, Ham, walked in and found him. Ham left the tent and told his two brothers of their dad’s situation. They then went in with a robe, backwards, so they didn’t see their drunk naked dad, and covered him.

When Noah woke up all hungover, he got real pissed at Ham for some unknown reason. Maybe because he didn’t cover him? Nobody really knows, as the Bible does not go into detail about why Noah got so mad. But he was so angry that he put a curse o

n Ham’s son, Ca’Naan, and made him become a servant for his two uncles. He then said how much he loves his two other kids (the ones that covered him,) and hope that they multiply and have amazing lives. It is really uncool of Noah to punish poor Ca’Naan for his dad’s actions, but after planting the first vineyard of all time, Noah can do no wrong in my eyes.

A few hundred years later, Noah died at the ripe age of 950. Now, if everyone can celebrate the life of this great man, and get drunk on wine tonight and pass out naked in their living rooms, it would be very much appreciated.

#RIPNOAH   #ThanksForInventingWine

Coastal Wine Trail Through Southern New England

Connecticut is not the only New England state with vineyards to brag about. The Coastal Wine Trail includes the best vineyards of Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts.

In all, 14 vineyards over the tri state area are the foundation for the trail. Passports are available for visitors to take with them to each of the vineyards to get stamped. It only takes six stamps for a visitor to win entry for a prize, but if you can manage to get 12 stamps, you are eligible to win the grand prize of a seven day Bermuda cruise.

Linda Cafferty, tasting room manager at Trevessia, one of the vineyards along the trail, says that “business has boomed” since the passports have been released in May.”

“The passports are a way to welcome visitors that may not have visited our unique urban winery otherwise”, says Cafferty.

Visitors have until December 31st to turn in their stamped passports, which can be picked up (and returned) at any of the participating vineyards. For more information on the Coastal Wine Trail, visit their website.

 

The Rising Popularity of the CT Wine Trail

With nearly 20,000 Facebook followers, the Connecticut Wine Trail has blossomed into a local summer tradition. Each and every summer the vineyards become increasingly popular, and the need to fill ones’ “CT Wine Trail Passport” becomes more of a goal. Their Facebook page offers updates on new wines, upcoming events, and up-to-date news involving the wine trail.

A typical Facebook post from the CT Wine Trail

A typical Facebook post from the CT Wine Trail

 

 

Gouveia Vineyards. One of the most popular stops on the tour.

Gouveia Vineyards. One of the most popular stops on the tour.

 

If Twitter is more your speed, then follow @ctwinetrail for tips on how to get the most out of your visit to the Connecticut Wine Trail. Though not used as frequently as their Facebook account, the tips are helpful reminders for all of the do’s and don’t’s while touring the wine trail.

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Finally, by using the #ctwinetrail on Instagram, you can follow all of the happenings at all 33 of the vineyards. Instagram is perhaps the most convienent way for you to stay on top of what is happening on the Connecticut Wine Trail. Not only can you see photos and videos that each of the vineyards posted, but you can also see photos and videos that all of the visitors have posted. These photos tend to give you a better understand of the atmosphere at each of the vineyards because they are simply from a visitors perspective, and not “staged” photos that the vineyards choose to share with their followers. Instagram offers an accurate portrayal of the day to day happenings at each of the establishments.

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The good, the bad, and the ugly are all on display on Instagram, and if you want to get a true sense of what the average visitor to each of the vineyards experiences, then Instagram is one of the best platforms.

Whether or not you are a local planning your next stop on the CT Wine trail, or a tourist looking to learn about the wine trail, and map out your journey, social media is the best way for you to hear about each of the vineyards from an unbiased, “average Joe” perspective, and can often give you as much, or more information than the website itself.

For more information on the CT Wine Trail, visit their social media pages, or go to their website at ctwine.com