7 Reasons The Kentucky Derby is the Worst Two Minutes in Sports

Let me preface the article by first saying how much I love horse racing, and specifically the Triple Crown. I have physically attended all three triple crown events, (at least that’s what photographic evidence tells me) and I have been betting on the events every year for a solid 15 years. I have correctly predicted a tri-fecta, and the contacts on my phone are littered with Derby, Preakness, and Belmont descriptions to identify the people that I will likely never see or speak to again. Ex. “Kim Preakness”, “Jared Belmont Beer Line”, or “Ashley Hard Rock Louisville after Kentucky Derby.”

So, why am I writing an article about how much I dislike the “Greatest Two Minutes in Sports” you ask? The answer is quite simple: the stress. Very similar to why I hate NCAA’s March Madness tournament, the Kentucky Derby, as well as its sister races, stress me right the hell out. Nail biting finishes, confusion of who to root for, and taking wild guesses about things you have no business taking part in, are among the reasons why my two favorite sporting events of the year, are also the two I hate the most.

The following are the 7 reasons why I think the Kentucky Derby is the 2 Worst Minutes in Sports.*

*Disclaimer: this countdown will be told from the point of view of a tv-watching viewer, not an attendee at one of the races. That is a entirely different countdown all together.

7. Placing Your Bets

One of the most stressful parts about the Kentucky Derby is placing your bets. If you are like 99% of the rest of the country, you are not going to the Race Book every week and placing bets on the 37th race of the day on the Maywood Park horse track in Maywood Park, IL. It is more likely that you dabble in horse racing and maybe bet on the 3 big races each year.

Therefore, you may not yet be an expert on the proper etiquette of horse race betting. For those of you that have never placed a bet in person, imagine Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi teaming up with Philadelphia’s famous cheesesteak guys, Genos.

You need to remember to tell the cashier the track, the race number, the type of bet, the amount you want to wager, and the horse/horses that you want to lose your money on. Couple that with the fact that you are likely making multiple bets, and putting in bets for everyone and their mother because you stupidly mentioned that you were going to the Race Book, and you could be there all day. Nevermind the fact that the line behind you is drunk and becoming disorderly because you have 11 post-it-notes from co-workers, lists of the horses names, and your shaky hands are dropping handfuls of cash on the ground. I need a Xannax just thinking about it.

*On a side note: one thing I find utterly hilarious about this process is when the cashier says to me “make sure you check your tickets.” Umm, seeing as I blacked out 9 minutes ago when I first start talking to you lady, I do not have any idea what I said, what my tickets should look like, or how much money I should have paid. My response every time (after flipping through the tickets like a flip book where Mickey Mouse is jumping off a diving board) is “sureeeeeeee, looks amazing.”)

The following is an example of how carefully I “check my Kentucky Derby tickets” after I made the entire Race Book angry spending 11 minutes placing my bets.

 

6. When You Have No Idea Who to Root For

If you are anything like me and my friends, you can not just place one simple bet and then root for that horse to win. How boring is that? The following is my thought process when placing bets on the Derby. I need AT LEAST……

  • Win/Place/Show on a major underdog
  • Win/Place/Show on a front runner
  • Win/Place/Show on a horse with a funny name
  • Win/Place/Show on a horse that is named after beer or wine (optional, but there is almost always one of those.)
  • Win/Place Box Bet with a favorite and an underdog
  • Win/Place Box Bet with a favorite and the horse with my favorite funny name
  • Trifecta Box Bet with at least one favorite, one underdog and my favorite named horse
  • Trifecta Box Bet with the three horses with my favorite colors. Dark blue, light blue, and orange
  • Trifecta Box Bet with my three favorite numbers (excluding 21 because there are usually not 21 horses.) 3/5/18

Because I have so many bets going at the same time, I usually have no idea who to root for. I usually find myself yelling at the TV something like “ANYTHING BUT #7!!!!!)

More times than not, I will end up winning on one ticket, losing on the other 10 tickets, and my winning ticket covers less than half of the money I spent to buy the tickets. But, it all for charity, so it makes me feel good knowing that my money is being used to help others. It is for charity, right? Or is horse racing not a tax write-off?

 

5. Not Knowing What To Do With Your “Losing” Tickets

Sure you could just throw your losing tickets away, but are you SURE they are losing tickets? Because the tickets are basically written in morse code, I am never confident that the losing tickets are in fact losing tickets. Do I risk going back to the Race Book lady and ask her to double check all of my losing tickets, just to tell me I am more of a loser? Or do I trust everyone around me that I did, indeed, successfully manage to predict the wrong outcome 23 times.

 

4. What F*#%ING Horse is That?

Towards the end of the race, the cruel TV producers take the little numbers off the top of the horses’ heads and also take the placement of the horses off the bottom of your screen. This is when the entire room starts panicking and for some odd reason places their arms on top of their heads and just screams.

This can not be confirmed or denied, but this is said to have been a picture taken at the very first Kentucky Derby. The photo was snapped at the exact second that the placement of the horses was taken off the bottom of the jumbo-tron screen. This fan is said to have died to stress just moments after this photo was taken.

This can not be confirmed or denied, but rumor has it that this picture was taken at the very first Kentucky Derby. The photo was snapped at the exact second that the placement of the horses was taken off the bottom of the jumbo-tron screen. This fan is said to have died of stress related issues just moments after this photo was taken.

 

3. Yeah, but WHO CAME IN 3RD PLACE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Of course the camera crew wants to make sure they get a close up of the winning horse crossing the finish line, with the second horse usually finishing just a nose behind. That is fantastic for all the viewers that correctly predicted one of those two horses to finish in 1st or 2nd. Good for you. BUT WHAT ABOUT MY TRIFECTA?

Sherlock Holmes himself could not be able to decipher which horse came in third place because about 2 seconds after the first horse finished a wall of blurry brown hair and colorful helmets comes whizzing across your screen like you are being launched through the twilight zone.

While others are celebrating, high-fiving, and ordering another round of mint juleps, you are staring at the screen and waiting with baited breathe to find out which horse came in third place.

5 minutes later the network will unceremoniously flash the rest of the results. This is when one of two things will happen…. You will realize that the horse you needed is still not finished with the race, or the horse you needed to come in third, did indeed, come in third. If the latter is the case, your delayed reaction will draw confusing stares from the rest of the crowd, wondering why you are only celebrating 6 minutes after the finish. But, you don’t care. YOU JUST WON THE TRI-FECTA! Congratulations! Now you get to buy the entire bar a drink, or look like the biggest, ungrateful prick that horse racing has ever seen.

 

2. Almost Per-tecta!

When your tri-fecta finishes in 1st place, 2nd place, and 4th place. And only because the horse with 150-1 odds has the race of his life, comes in 3rd place, and promptly needs to be euthanized post race because he has never run that fast in his life and can no longer use his legs.

 

1. You are SURE Your Underdog is Going To Win

You couldn’t design a more perfect horse for you. His odds are at a staggering 60-1. His jockey is wearing your favorite color of deep blue. You favorite number is draped over the horse and written in gold encrusted beer bottle caps. The horse’s name is not only hilarious, but you can already envision it in big letter in the headline announcing it to be the biggest upset in Kentucky Derby history.

You tell all your friends to put money on the 60-1 horse because you are sure he is going to win. You start calculating how much money you are going to make when he wins, and possibly even the potential that your local newspaper will want to do a quick little interview with you, asking why you were so confident that “Newly Tapped Keg” would win the race.

Then the race goes off. You are the only idiot screaming for “Newly Tapped Keg”, but you don’t care because in just two minutes you will be laughing in everyone’s face as you go up to the cashier to collect your jackpot.

Then, suddenly, as the horses begin to separate, you begin to notice a familiar color at the back of the pack. And sure as shit, it’s#5, that beautiful blue “Newly Ta

pped Keg” is in last place. But you do not panic. Surely he will come from behind, making his upset even more grandiose.

But, sadly, he doesn’t. In fact, you never even get a glimpse of “Newly Tapped Keg” again because he was so far behind the pack that he was out of camera view.

You instantly begin to wonder what on Earth you were thinking and wished you had listened to every single horse race commentator when they said that Mr. Ed had a better chance of winning the Kentucky Derby than “Newly Tapped Keg.

 

Enjoy the Derby everyone! And don’t second guess that underdog that you have been eyeing. I am sure he will do just wonderful.

11 Reasons Why I Hate NCAA’s March Madness.. And You Will Too

First of all, relax… Before you send me hate email about how March Madness is amazing, hear me out. March Madness is BY FAR my personal favorite sporting event of the year. I even use March Madness in my Statistics class, and teach about the stats of the tournament for an entire month. In my opinion, the only sporting event that could hold a candle to the NCAA basketball tournament is the Triple Crown, but trust me, you can expect an article in May about why that sucks too.

My classroom board in March. Artwork done all on my own. I know what you're thinking... and yes, that is a self-made bobblehead doll of myself. (photo credit: R. Jacobson)

My classroom board in March. Art work done all on my own. And I know what you’re thinking… yes, that is a self-made bobblehead doll of myself using Jonathan Papelbon’s headless body that was nearly trashed when he left the Red Sox, but salvaged out of the garbage once I came up with the idea to put an oversized picture of my face on the bobbly cord sticking out of the gaping hole where his head used to be before I got mad at him. (photo credit: R. Jacobson)

 

Despite the fact that I “watch” a few hours of college basketball a year, it is still something that gets me all in a tizzy (I say “watch” because I am usually in attendance at a few games, and watching the actual game is nearly impossible for an ADD, busybody like me, that is too worried about flagging down the beer man or plotting how I am going to pee, because I sure as hell refuse to ask the poor people in my row to move again so I can go to the bathroom, purchase more food that I absolutely do not need, or get another beer.*)

*two beers. Half of one beer is guaranteed to spill all over the kind people that let me through their aisle for the sixth time.

So, if I love March Madness so much, how is it possible that I easily created a countdown of why I hate March Madness so much? Read on, and you too, will quickly realize that you hate March Madness just as much as I do.

11. Having to Listen to Friends/Co-workers Talk About College Basketball And Pretend They Are NCAA experts.

Let’s face it, unless you are Dick Vitale, nobody gives a damn about your “expert advice,” or who you are sure is going to win each game based on their rebound percentage, or points allowed per game.
When someone at work starts talking to me about who they think is going to win, and why, I always do one of two things: tell them I don’t care, or tell them I don’t give a shit.

*edited to add that I don’t even give a shit what Dick Vitale says either.

10. When Your “Underdog” Pick That You Have in the Elite 8 Is Eliminated In Round 1.

Nothing is worse than when you try to make a big move and include a #15 seeded “Northwestern North Dakota Tech” in your elite 8 (just so you could be the only one that can brag about them beating a #2 seed in Rd. 1,) and they get beat in round 1 by 41 points.

Congratulations. Every single person on the planet just gained 1 point on you for being such an idiot.

9. When You Can’t Remember You Passwords From Last Year

I have spent countless hours trying to register for ESPN, Fox Sports, Yahoo, CBS Sports, my local newspapers, my local TV stations, my local radio stations, etc. pools, but can not remember my user name, password, or email address that I used to sign up the previous year.

I probably now have 17 email addresses registered at Foxsports.com from all the years of unsuccessful attempts at logging in.

8. When You Lose a Final Four Pick In Round One Or Two

Two words: Red X’s.

7. When You Have Too Many Brackets

Nothing is worse than not knowing if you should root for a team or not.

Me (every game): “Ohhhhhhhhhh, look at this, if Gonzaga wins, I gain four points on Johnny in Jared’s pool. But, if they lose, I have them making it all the way to the final four in Jenny’s pool, and that would suck. But, then again, Greg has them winning the entire tourney in the office pool, and I only have them making it to the Sweet 16, plus that bastard won the pool last year, and I would rather have anyone else win instead of him………..”

6. The TV Schedule

This is a two fold Whammy!

The first thing is the timing of the games. If you are on the East Coast, you have to stay awake until way past your bedtime to make sure your bracket is still thriving. If you are on the West Coast, you basically have to take a sick day from work for the first two days of the tourney to catch the first zillion games that will be over before you get out of your awful job.

* East Coast people, I recommend you take at least one day out of work as well. At the very least: leave work early. At the very most: quit.

The other thing about the schedule is that it may have an impact on your regularly scheduled programming. I once nearly had a mini stroke on a Friday night, when The Amazing Race’s Phil Koeghan announced “When the The Amazing Race returns on April 1st….” In fact, I am not embarrassed to say that I actually think I physically gasped a little when I heard April 1st, and then promptly opened my nearest calendar and frantically counted how many weeks away April 1st was. I

was so pissed at the NCAA that Friday night.

INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: I am 100% confident that CBS moved Survivor from its original home of 8pm on Thursday nights to 8pm on Wednesday nights a few years ago, simply because of all the strongly-worded hate mail and/or death threats I sent to their offices kindly asking that they not F*%k with me and my Survivor ever again.

5. When You Lose Your Office Pool To the Old Lady That You Work With’s 8 Year Old Great-Grandson

Who the hell even invited him, lady?

4. Having To Drink on Thursday and Then Having to Drink on Friday

Within 7 minutes of leaving work on the first Thursday of the tournament I am sipping on a cold beer, with a folder containing my 73 brackets, a blue highlighter and a red pen. I am cheers’ing with my co-workers, high-fiving that Dayton won the 12:15 game, and congratulating ourselves at still having a perfect bracket, even though only two games have finished.

At least, that is always what I imagine is going to happen, as I am driving twice the legal speed limit to rush to the crowded bar that is already full, and has nowhere for us to sit. We have to stand behind 6 burly construction workers, awkwardly exchange beer and money with the bartender while making sure to not disrupt the scary construction men, and not having a place to rest my 64 oz. Bud Light mug that I instinctively ordered.

Couple that with my highlighter typically dying after three games, and me losing my pen, and I am one miserable NCAA college basketball “fan.”

Then, I wake up on Friday feeling like shit. I promise myself that I will come home and watch the games in bed when I get out of work. By 9:20am I have already made plans to watch the continuation of round 1 at the exact same bar we were at the day before, and end up being double hungover on Saturday morning.*

*Afternoon

3. The Anxiety During the Final Seconds of Nearly Every Game

Everyone may say they love a “good game,” but that is really just bullshit. If I have Marquette in the final four, I want them to win by 91 points, every game, and I will not be happy if they are letting their opponents within 20 points at any point throughout the game.

Washington Redskins aside, if I ever drop dead during a sporting event, it will most certainly be during the final seconds in a semi-meaningless #12 vs #5 seeded game in which I have the underdog making the Sweet Sixteen in one of my 37 pools.

2. When You Are Doing Great But Someone Else is Doing a Little Better, But You Can’t Catch Up To Them No Matter What Happens.

When you are crushing the office pool, nailing upset after upset, and convinced that you have a victory in the bag. Then you find out that someone else is doing one point better than you, but has the EXACT SAME FINAL 4, FINAL 2, AND CHAMPION AS YOU. You have all been there, and know how devastating it can truly be to one’s mental health.

 

1. Risking Jail Time

I don’t know what state you are from, but in most states, participating in an NCAA Tourney office pool is technically “illegal” if you play for money. (Not that any of us at my workplace play for money, State, we just play for fun.) This may be the stupidest, most ridiculous law ever, and if my place of employment ever got questioned for participating in a “fun only” NCAA office pool, (and they are looking for “the ringleader”), everyone’s fingers will snap off of their hands for collectively pointing as enthusiastically as humanly possible at my face.

If you are anything like me, today and tomorrow you will be prancing around your office building looking more professional and important than you do all year. Carrying folded up papers, envelopes, binders, like 5 pens, and whispering into co-workers ears, as if you are inviting them into an underground tunnel that leads to the lost treasure of the Sierra Nevada…. Is that something, or am I just naming a beer? It sounds so right and so wrong at the same time, but I am literally too lazy to Google it.

I went into a co-worker’s room today, one of which I have not been in all year. I actually think the last time I spoke to her was when I barged into her room on March 14th, 2016 demanding her to stop what she was doing, fill out my bracket that she knows nothing about, and order her to have her completed bracket for me BY NOON on Thursday. The sooner the better.

If you include all the other office pools I may or may not “ring lead”:

– Celebrity Death Pools
American Idol Fantasy Leagues
The Voice Fantasy Leagues
Survivor Drafts
Big Brother Drafts
Big Brother Canada Drafts
Big Brother UK Drafts
-Superbowl Squares
Ink Master Drafts
-The Bachelor/Bachelorette Drafts
-Over/Under on how long the newest Bachelor/ette couple will stay together
Amazing Race Drafts
– Power Ball “Group Buy-Ins”
-Mega Millions “Group Buy Ins”

I would be in jail for life without the eligibility of parole, if, indeed, money was at stake, which it is not. Because that would be unlawful.

 

… fine, and Project Runway Drafts 🙁

So, those are the reasons why the next two weeks are going to completely suck. But, also the reason why I am going to hopped out of bed this morning like a giddy middle school girl getting dolled up for her first Justin Bieber concert.

 

Best of luck with all of your pools, and enjoy the Madness.

-Ryan

P.S. If anyone would like to participate in a Dancing With the Stars: Season 2Fantasy League, hit me up by Monday.

11 Perfect Pranks to Pull on Your Co-Workers

Let’s face it. Everyone wants to have fun at work. Unfortunately, for many of us, the daily tasks and responsibilities limit the amount of fun and laughter we get to have. For teachers especially, many of us only get a few precious moments with adults throughout the day, which, granted, could be a good thing.

So what happens when you spend every day with the same people for years on end? What happens when you have had the same conversation with the same person day after day, year after year? What happens when your boring, mundane conversation inevitably turns into one of you apologizing for the smell of your lunch stinking up the room?

Pranks happen.

In order to stay sane at the workplace, there must be at least one jokester that isn’t afraid to crack an inappropriate joke or pull a prank that borderlines on harassment. For some reason, everywhere I work, that person seems to always be me.

So, what are my favorite pranks to pull on my unsuspecting co-workers? Continue reading for the 11 best pranks that even a novice practical jokester can pull off to liven up a boring workplace.

(NOTE: My place of work happens to be a school, however, many of the pranks can be tweaked so that you, too, can be funny at your awful place of employment that does not have weekends, holidays, summers, week long vacations, snow days, extreme cold days, and extreme hot days off.)

WARM UP JOKE: Just a little warm up to get your LOL on. If ANYONE, AT ANY TIME YOU ARE AT WORK……. EVER…….. starts a meeting/announcement/sentence with the phrase “Well, I don’t want to bore you to death…” the ONLY way to respond is by screaming “TOO LATE.” And, yes, it is imperative to scream it. You must include the presenter in the joke, and make sure they hear it, otherwise, they may hear everyone around you laugh, and you may hurt their feelings. This is especially true if they are actually forced to tell you about something that literally may bore you to death. It is the perfect way for everyone to get out a big, hardy LOL, before the snooze fest begins.

11. Late to Meeting / Leave Meeting Early
Running Late
This first one is so easy that even a newbie or a rookie could do it. All it takes is just a little bit of courage, and an unfortunate co-worker. The only bad thing about this joke is that some people get ultra sensitive if you make fun of them in front of their co-workers and/or boss, so make sure you refrain from using this joke on anyone that will get their panties in a bunch if you make fun of them in front of a room of their peers and bosses.

If one of your co-workers is either late to a meeting, or leaves a meeting early, simply say “I didn’t know we could be late,” or “I didn’t know we could leave early.”

Say it just loud enough so you do not completely disrupt your boring meeting, but instead garner the laughter from the co-workers sitting around you (as well as a middle finger from your co-worker that has such a busy life that they can not attend the entire meeting).

Occasionally the joke may backfire if your co-worker needs to go to a funeral or wake, and everyone will mad at you for being so rude, but the reward for when the joke successfully lands, far outweighs the risk.

LOL Potential  = 6

10. What’s With All the Junk Mail?!?
Junk Mail
Although the need for them are significantly diminishing, many schools still have mailboxes for their staff. Due to more and more districts and/or companies becoming green and going digital, most of the items in our mailboxes are junk mail. I get hundreds of Scholastic Magazines in my mailbox on a weekly basis, and I can not dispose of them quickly enough. So, what I typically do, is place them in a co-workers mailbox that has even less of a need for them than I do, and let them deal with them. This typically happens in the morning when I already have my hands full with my own personal items, and can not be bothered with junk mail that will only increase the likelihood of me dropping my iced coffee before arriving safely at my desk.
I particularly love putting my Scholastic flyers in the P.E. teachers’ mailboxes and watch as they stare dumbfounded as to why Scholastic Weekly Reader sends them so much material.
I am sure that if your office or place of work has some sort of mailbox or “cubby” for its workers, you can think of plenty of useless mail to throw in your friend’s mailbox.

COMMON SENSE ALERT: Make sure your name isn’t on the mail that you throw in someone else’s mailbox, or it will just get redelivered to you, and your cover will be blown.

LOL Factor = 6.5

9. Blocking Co-Workers In at the End of the Day

There is no better feeling than walking out of your workplace at the end of each workday. ESPECIALLY if it is a Friday and you and your co-workers are heading to the nearest watering hole.
In this prank, you will sacrifice a few moments of your own free time, and risk not getting a good seat at the bar, but it is almost guaranteed to make all of your co-workers (besides the poor soul that you are playing the prank on) LOL .

Here is how it’s done: You simply get into your car after work, and as your co-worker gets into their car, simply drive behind them and prevent them from backing up. Do whatever needs to be done to stay there as long as possible, whether it be pretending to check your phone, pretending to find a good song on the radio, or pretending to fix your hair. Whatever you do, do not look at your frantic co-worker that is trying to get the hell out of the parking lot and start boozing it up.

Within minutes you can watch them go from this……

Leaving Work on Friday

Leaving Work on Friday

 

to this…..

Victim of Ryan's Prank #9

Victim of Ryan’s Prank #9

 

CAUTION: Be sure you do not choose to do this prank to a co-worker that is an awful driver. If they do not look in their rearview mirror before backing up, they will smash right into you, and you will feel really bad. A.K.A. Do not try this trick on me, or it could very likely backfire on you.

LOL Factor = 7.5

8. Phone Call During Meeting

This is my oldest trick in my work prank book. Most people are mortified when they forget to turn the volume off on their cell phones before attending a meeting. I feel as though it is my duty to call out these forgetful co-workers. So, during each and every faculty meeting I go through my phone and call my co-workers one at a time until one of their phones ring. This usually puts the boring meeting on hold while the entire faculty stares at them as they frantically try to find their phone in the bottom of their bag, or deep in their pocket.
After 10 years and hundreds of faculty meetings, this has backfired on me a bit, because whenever anyone’s phone goes off the entire faculty stares at me, assuming that I am the culprit, even though I may be on my best behavior at that particular moment.

NOTE: If you are not willing to stand up and shake your head in disapproval of your co-workers inability to shut their phone off before a meeting, you are not allowed to pull the prank. The standing up and shaking of the head just adds to the humiliation of your friend/co-worker, and really brings the laughs. It is also recommended that the person pulling off the prank does everything in their power to make eye contact with the boss/principal and give an eye roll and shake of the head, as if to say “I would fire them immediately if I were you, because I would NEVER leave my phone on during such an important meeting.”

FUN FACT: This joke also works perfectly in church. My cousin Paul and I have been calling each other at Christmas Eve Mass every year since we had cell phones. In a setting like church though, it may be best to not make God too mad and just send a funny text, such as “Hey buddy. Just wanted to make sure that the volume was off on your phone. Merry Christmas. Love you.” That way, even if it does go off the only people that will judge him are the few people that are sitting close to him. You don’t want your friend to get excommunicated from the church, you just want to have a bit of a giggle at their expense.

I don’t recommend it, but if you want to be a real jerk, do it during the part when the priest is turning the bread and wine into the body and blood. That is typically when the entire congregation is on their best behavior, and when it would be the most embarrassing for your friend. Whatever you do, DO NOT send it during the “peace be with you” part, as that is basically an intermission, and a free-for-all. Your joke would be useless as nobody would hear it. The only person that would know that the joke happened would be God, and I don’t think he would think it was very funny. If you are going to get in trouble with God, you might as well get a few laughs out of it.

LOL Factor = 10 (for the first 75 times) 8 every time after that.

7. The “See Me” Note

Just like when you were in school and you got back a test that had the phrase “see me” on it, this trick is sure to work perfectly. And the joke could not be any easier. All you have to do is place a note on your co-workers desk (or in their mailbox) that says…

See Me.
– (Boss’s name)

This will be sure to send your friend into a frenzy wondering what they have done wrong, and why their boss needs to see them so urgently. Of course, if you are a real jerk, you can add “ASAP”, but that is just cruel IMHO.

PRO TIP: For some reason, Post-It-Notes work best. Not sure why, but there is just something about the Post-It-Note that screams, “You are in SOOOOO much trouble.”

BONUS: If you are actually a teacher, this trick works fantastic on students as well. Instead of actually writing a “100” or “A+” on an exceptionally smart student’s test, simply write “see me.” Watch them panic, and stumble up to your desk. When they arrive and say “you wanted to see me,” just say, “oh, you got everything correct, but I just didn’t feel like writing that all out, so I just figured that I would tell you to your face.” Classic. Kids are so easy to fool, and believe everything you say. It’s great.

For Part 2 of the countdown click here.

If you have an amazing joke to pull on your co-workers, please leave a comment below, and I will do my best to make it happen. Who knows, if it is clever enough I may even get it on film for all the world to see!